Society and the media often portray a misleading concept that men are intuitively able to meet the needs of women based on idealistic expectations. This false premise has resulted in many disappointed women and many frustrated men.
Most people in relationships have some level of expectation. For example, a wife may expect her husband to nurture and protect her, giving her a sense of security. A husband may expect his wife to be supportive, sexy and a good cook. Usually, however, both fall way short of achieving what the other one expects, which can result in disillusionment and irritation.
A young woman recently broke up with her boyfriend because he was verbally abusive to her, disrespecting her and putting her down. Although she cared about him deeply, she realized he was not going to be what she expected--a loving, considerate and caring man. Because of his own insecurities, coupled with low self-esteem and a history of abuse, he could not meet her expectations. She realized that she deserved better and decided to accept the reality that he was not the individual she wanted in her life.
One reason for the disappointment experienced in relationships is that every man and woman is first an individual and not the "role" assigned to them. Every person is different and comes into the relationship with his or her own personality style, flaws and challenges. When people fail to recognize that fact and place expectations on someone based on what THEY feel, think or need, it will inevitably lead to frustration.
A more effective approach to having your expectations met in a relationship is to understand the individual first. Learn more about the man himself--his history, family and background. If he has not had the nurturing, teaching or experience in what you want him to give to you, he most likely will not be able to give you what you expect from him.
Knowing this may help you better understand what role he can or cannot fulfill before you invest more time and energy into the relationship. It is also important to know what you really want and need from this person, which can help you keep from wasting his time as well.
© 2006 Heart Tones
Gloria Thomas Anderson, MSW
Columnist of: Inspiring Insights For Your Soul and Spirit!
www.hearttones.com
Gloria Thomas Anderson, MSW, is a motivational speaker and writer, a diversity trainer, and a professional social worker who inspires others to harness the power within themselves to create positive change in their lives. Gloria has shared her wisdom and insight on real life issues--Purpose, Relationships, and Spirituality--with hundreds of organizations and groups, including the Fellowship of Professional Women, The Executive Women in Government, Women that Soar, Women's Aglow, and Training For Excellence, Inc.
Her publication, "What Y'all Gon' Do With Me?-The African-American Spiritual and Ethical Guide to End of Life Care" was recently presented at the International First North American Spirituality and Social Work Conference, in Waterloo, Canada and published in "The Society for Spirituality and Social Work Forum". She has also received several awards and grants toward her research. Gloria is the author of the popular self-help book, Passion For Your Purpose--Discovering Peace, Direction and Balance In Your Life and columnist of Inspiring Insights For Your Soul and Spirit
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